Written by Jennifer Ramirez, Medically Reviewed by Damla Ricks
Unresolved trauma can cause a downward spiral in mental health leading to symptoms such as depression, anger, and anxiety. What happens when unresolved trauma is carried into a relationship? Relational issues can manifest in a variety of ways resulting in a couple’s distress.
What are causes of Unresolved Trauma?
Trauma is the result of a traumatic experience that has not been fully processed. Often, the survivor protects themselves by suppressing their emotions. As a result, emotional distress takes over. Trauma can be the results of physical or mental experiences, including:
- Physical or sexual abuse or neglect
- Experiencing discrimination
- Significant loss
- Natural disasters
- Witnessing traumatic events such as domestic violence or accidents
Therapy helps you explore and identify patterns of behavior and develop healthier communication and skills to address triggers when they arise.
How Can Trauma Impact Relationships
Trauma in relationships can manifest in many ways. As a result, one partner’s trauma can in turn affect their partners emotional well being and satisfaction.
For example, when one partner is triggered by a neutral event that causes an intense response, the outbursts can cause irritability and prevent one from effectively communicating and expressing their needs. As a result, fighting by verbally or physically attacking their partner can become the norm. One partner may blame the other for all the problems.
The opposite would be if one partner shuts down all together, withdrawing from their partner and isolating themselves. This would result in intimacy issues as well and partners feeling isolated. Trust issues can tear partners apart. One may become overly cautious or suspicious. Or, they may develop a fear of abandonment or betrayal, thus becoming controlling or possessive.
How to Cope with Unresolved Trauma
When a couple has determined that past trauma affects their relationship, they need to come to an understanding of the impact and role it plays in their bond. Clients must practice self-compassion, avoiding self blame. Instead, focus on self care including journaling, exercise, meditating, or any other activity that can help calm your mind and body. Couples must also build a strong support system from trusted friends and family. Understanding that this is a long process and not an overnight fix is important as patience will be required. Most importantly, seek professional help as trauma informed therapy can provide a safe space to understand your trauma and develop coping mechanisms.
How Couples and Family Therapy can help with Trauma in Relationships
When it comes time to seek professional help in your relationship, look for a trauma informed therapist to help you process and heal from your experience. Healing First Counseling offers trauma informed counseling for couples, marriage and families. Through counseling, families can regain control of their mental health and build stronger relationships with their loved ones. Serving North Richland Hills, Fort Worth, and surrounding areas, Healing First Counseling’s therapists are here to help.